April 2, 2009 8:01 pm

Five Foods That I Wish Were April Fools Jokes

In order to spare you any lame attempt at an April Fools joke, I present to you five foods that I wish were April Fools jokes.



1. Sandwich Cake



 



Sandwich cakes are a sickening mix of cream cheese, mayo, veggies, meat, and bread in the form of a cake. They’re perfect for picnics, hikes, trips to the beach, and kid’s lunches. Wait, sorry, that’s regular sandwiches. Sandwich cakes are perfect for time travelers who enjoy Sunday brunch in the 1950’s.



2. Bubble Gum Cocktail Wienies



 



With the ringing endorsement, “Kids love them!”, who could resist? Sadly, Archie McPhee totally dropped the ball because they’re not hot dog flavored. Bubble gum?! Gross.



3. Scrapple



  



How do you avoid wasting all those wonderful pig parts that are usually inedible? You make scrapple. The super-lame joke is that it has everything except the oink. Plus, it’s got “crap” in the name.



4. Baby Mice Wine



 



That’s right, it’s wine with baby mice at the bottom. It’s a drink and an appetizer in one. The South Koreans claim it has health benefits but the only thing it cured was my hunger. And you thought the Mexicans were crazy for putting worms in tequila.



5. Bacon Soda



 



Launched in 2004, Bacon Soda was a huge hit in Vermont where the sugar-loving Canadian groupies would drop in shots of maple syrup. Sadly, it fizzled out everywhere else.



–Spanno